Things I say when I'm tired..

I happen to be one of the worst morning people I have ever met. I have been known to say things in that state between sleep and awake that I would never say when I am conscious. I have also been known to talk in my sleep, which can also cause problems. For example.. No one in their right mind would tell their 2 1/2 year old *who is supposed to be potty training* "Can't you just go in your diaper??" *sigh* At least I have a super supportive husband who doesn't hate me because of what I say when I'm half-asleep. Even though I have been known to say, very angrily, "Can't you just leave me alone??"

Maybe he just loves how horrified I am when he tells me later what I said that morning. *sigh*

DPP Last Day

Christmas Day.. My boys and I. :)

DPP Christmas Eve

DPP Wednesday

DPP Tuesday

The man of my dreams....

The Blessing of a College Degree

Ever since I was a little girl my mom has drilled it into me to go to college and get my degree. She always told me that I was smart, determined, and I could do it! I received this message from everyone in my family. When I was in elementary school I decided I wanted to either be a veterinarian or a teacher. During high school I thought perhaps I would teach high school English.

When I was a senior, I took a class called "The School-Aged Child". This class took me into a 1st grade classroom 3 days a week for an hour each time. I loved it so much I took the class independent study the following semester. I was able to spend 2 periods a day, 5 days a week in the same classroom, which equated to an entire year with those 1st graders. I knew within my first week that I could never do anything else.

I applied for college at UNI, which I had heard was THE teaching college in Iowa. I ended up staying home and attending DMACC for a few years, mainly in order to save my relationship with my boyfriend. I am not ashamed of this, because every choice I have taken has led me to where I am today. If it wasn't for our breakup, my friends would never have dragged me to Ames to "take care of me". I ended up attending Iowa State University, and meeting and marrying the man of my dreams.

I am not going to say that getting my degree wasn't a bumpy road.. I had 2 babies, one of which I was on bedrest for 2 months, in the hospital for 3 weeks, and kept him in the NICU for 8.5 weeks. This weekend, with the support of my family, friends, and incredible staff at ISU, I walked away with my degree in Elementary Education. I am the first person in my dad's family to have a college degree, the second teacher in my mom's family, and can help show my siblings and children that persistance, while difficult, DOES pay off!

Thank you to EVERYONE for all of your help and support.. I know this is cheesy, but I dedicate my college degree to: God, for my strength and faith.. My parents, grandparents, siblings, my wonderful husband, Nate, my two beautiful sons, William and Owen, My friends who have stuck with me since, well, forever.. Clifton, Josh, and AJ, and the rest of you crazy Urbandalians, My pals in the program: B.ZO, Nancy, Ehley, Beth, Pat, and so many more, and the wonderful staff of ISU, who helped me through all of my challenges and helped me to fulfill my dream. I love you all!! I did it! :) :) :)

DPP Sunday/Monday

Am I the only one who misses summer?? Oh well. :)

DPP Friday/Saturday.. :)

We have had lots of family in town for my graduation this weekend.. I graduated from Iowa State University with my bachelors in Elementary Education! :) :) Here are the two photos for yesterday and today..

Wednesday DPP, Thursday to come!

DPP Tuesday.. BAKING!

I spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen today, as you can see... On the table you see... Cranberry-Balsamic Vinaigrette, $250 Cookies, Peanut Brittle, Chocolate-Almond Meringue, Whole Wheat Bread, Ginger Snaps, and Yogurt.. All made from scratch with nourishing ingredients of course! Whew!

Sunday/Monday DPP

Saturday, DPP

I felt that these photos really give the true story about what every day is like in the Roelfs household. All I did was watch them and take pictures.. They had no help from me... Enjoy!

DPP Friday (whooops!)

I didn't realize until just now that I never posted yesterday's picture... Here goes. :) I will post today's photo later.

Penne with Broccoli and Sun-dried Tomatoes.. YUM!

Recently I purchased the BEST book.. Feeding Baby Green It's a great resource for recipes and information about feeding your baby wholesome, natural foods. I altered this recipe to fit what we had on hand and it turned out fantastic! Enjoy!

Penne With Broccoli and Sun-Dried Tomatoes

(Altered from Feeding Baby Green)

3/4c sun-dried tomatoes, julienned

5 cloves garlic, coarsely chopped

1/4c olive oil

8 oz whole wheat penne pasta

3 cups broccoli, cut into bite sized pieces

4 oz black olives

4 oz swiss cheese

2 oz Parmesan cheese (optional)

1. Put the sun-dried tomatoes and chopped garlic in a small bowl

and pour the olive oil over them.

Let them stand for at least 30 minutes before cooking,

or overnight,to allow the tomatoes to reconstitute

and to flavor the oil. If you let the flavors sit for more than 4 hours,

put them in the fridge.

2. Cook the penne according to package directions

While the pasta is cooking, begin cooking the sauce.

Heat a large skillet over medium heat. Add the tomato mixture to the pan.

Saute for one minute. Add the broccoli and saute over medium heat,

stirring occasionally, until the broccoli is tender but still crisp.

If the mixture is dry, add a little water.

3. When the pasta is al dente, drain the water and pour the penne back into the pot.

Add the sauce to the pasta. Gently stir in the olives and cheese.

Divide into four servings and sprinkle Parmesan on each (if desired)

DPP 12/9 and 12/10

I missed yesterday's post mainly because of "the storm of the century" (local news channel). Granted, we're only 9 years into this century, but hey, why not?! We only managed to venture outside for a few minutes due to the extremely cold weather. I learned that my toddler DOES NOT like the cold weather! When the wind blew he shrieked and said "Mommy, go inside now please!!" So of course, we did. :)

Earlier today I was changing Owen's diaper (who was very upset) and I asked William if he would talk to Owen to make him feel better. I kid you not, this is word for word what he said.. "Of course, Mommy!" He then walked over to his brother, kissed him on the head, and said "You're a great baby, Owen!" I don't know what we're doing, but we must be doing something right... :)

DPP 12/8 and the STORM OF THE CENTURY!

According to the weather channel, this is an "epic and extremely dangerous storm".. In case you don't know, I live in central Iowa.. Sunday morning there was not one speck of snow on the ground. By tomorrow we are expected to have between 10-18 inches.. The photo shows what we have so far. In other news, my 2 1/2 year old is THRILLED!

DPP 12/7

I love plants. I especially love the Wandering Jew my mom gave me. I have dropped this poor hanging plant at least a dozen times, forgot to water it enough times to kill any other type of plant, and it even was blown off my balcony in a fierce storm last summer. The other day I was looking at it and saw the sweetest, most delicate flower I have ever seen. I forgot to take a picture, and by the end of the day it was gone! I talked to my mom and she said that she had never seen one flower before. Today I was searching in vain to find another flower and AH HAH! I found one! I just had to post this picture..

DPP 12/6 Just Gotta Dance!

DPP 12/5 CHILI EXPLOSION!

Well, today I decided I would make a big ol' pot of chili and can a bunch of it for those lazy days when I don't want to cook.. Okay, so it was all going swimmingly until I decided to tip the pot up onto it's side to scoop out the last few cups.. That's when the chili hit the fan.. I slipped (thanks to my arm injury from yesterday) and spilled all over myself, stove, and floor. I have huge burns on my arm and another one on my tummy. Tear.. Thankfully, my loving hubby cleaned up the mess while I attended to my injuries. :)

DPP December 4/Only Me...

Well, If you know anything about me, you will know that I am EXTREMELY clumsy... Today I managed (don't ask me how) to whack the soft part of my elbow against the very corner of my handrail as I was running up the stairs to show Nate the packages that came in the mail.. Well, I hit it "just perfectly" according to the Dr.. That's right; I hit it SO HARD after 2 hours it was very red, swollen, and painful. I was tingling all the way up to my neck and down to my fingertips (still am). I went to the Dr. and had xrays done. Good news, I didn't chip a bone. Bad news, I hit my nerve so "perfectly" that I won't heal for 2-3 weeks. Yaaay me! *sigh* Only me! Oh well, it's not like I have two little kids to carry around all day long.. DOH! At least I can laugh about it! :)

December Photo Project December 3

December Photo Project

This just looks like so much fun I have to participate! I love taking pictures, I have thousands on my computer, and this seems like a great way to share! :) December Photo Project Click here to see more information! SO; here's the first photo!

Breastfeeding Help

Hello again world! I was looking for jobs for Nate today and I ran across an ad for a part time breastfeeding consultant. The only requirements were a high school diploma and experience breastfeeding. Well, I have both! I LOVE breastfeeding my son, and am very proud to do it! I am one of those moms who has no problem whipping her breast out in a restaurant if it is what the baby needs! (I am discreet, however, because I know it embarrasses some people, e.g. my husband). I decided, I would reply to the listing. I was reading over the letter I sent them, and thought that I would include my breastfeeding story here as well. Here it is..

I breastfed my first son for 5 months. I was never wholly confident in the process, and felt as if I was never giving him enough nutrition. I was also afraid of leaving him for more than one feeding without bringing my pump along. Things have changed quite a bit since then!

I am currently breastfeeding my youngest, who is 9 months old. I have been told that my breastfeeding story is unique. My youngest son was born at 28 weeks gestation and was in the NICU for 8 weeks. During that time I pumped milk for him to take during a feeding tube. After he had been in the hospital for roughly 5 weeks I began to struggle with pumping around the clock. I had clogged milk ducts and began losing my milk supply. I lost confidence in my abilities and ended up quitting nursing altogether. I had stockpiled enough milk for him to be able to use only breastmilk for the next three months and I was confident in my choice. After my son came home my pediatrition discussed with me the ways to stretch out my milk supply for as long as possible to give my son the most benefits. We began feeding him formula along with his breastmilk, only to find that he could not tolerate it without severe pain and gas. One night as I was laying in bed worrying, I decided to see if I had any milk left (it had been roughly 3 weeks since I had last pumped or nursed). I was able to get a few drops out of one breast. Driven with the commitment to do everything possible for my son I scoured the internet for hope of renewing my milk supply. I found encouraging websites and had wonderful discussions with my son's pediatrition. With the help of their advice and encouragement, as well as Mother's Milk tea, I regained my full supply of milk and have been nursing him ever since. I am now very confident in my body's ability to produce milk and I know that my body can detect exactly what he needs to eat. I know that if I miss more than one feeding he will be just fine! As long as he has a bottle with him, I don't have to worry. My breasts wont dry up if I don't pump for a few feedings. We have a wonderful nursing relationship and he is thriving!

Dutch Pancakes with Buttery Apples

Believe it or not, this recipe came from a kids and parents Sesame Street cookbook. I adapted it to make it clean and William helped me make it for our breakfast today. It was so delicious! Owen, William and I scraped our plates! Not to mention the fact that it is completely healthy!

Dutch Pancakes with Buttery Apples

2 eggs

1 t olive oil

1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

2 T honey

1/4 t salt

1/4 t fresh ground cinnamon

1 T butter

2 large apples, peeled and sliced

honey for drizzling

Preheat oven to 425. Grease 9" pan or dish. Crack eggs into medium bowl. Beat eggs, oil, and milk until smooth. Add flour, sugar, salt, and cinnamon to bowl. Stir until a smooth batter forms and pour batter into greased dish. Bake pancake for 10 minutes, reduce heat to 350, bake until very puffy and lightly browned all over, (5-8 minutes longer).

Meanwhile, heat butter in large skillet. Add apples and saute, stirring often, until apples are tender and lightly browned (about 10 minutes).

To serve, spoon apples over pancake and drizzle honey over the top.

Chicken Piccata

Another wonderful recipe that I thought I would share. This recipe has been on my list of those to make for months, and I kept putting it off. Nate and I had never had Chicken Piccata before and I think we were a little apprehensive. From the ingredient list it sounded somewhat bland, but I finally worked up the nerve and made it. I AM SO GLAD I DID!! It was so tender and flavorful! Even William scarfed it down and begged for more! :) That's what I call a job well done!

Chicken Piccata

(Clean Eating Magazine)

Chickpea Puree

1 T olive oil

1 small onion, diced

4 garlic cloves, smashed

1 15 oz can chickpeas, drained and rinsed

1/3 c chicken stock

sea salt and fresh ground black pepper, to taste

Chicken Piccata

1/4 c whole wheat flour, divided

sea salt, and fresh ground black pepper, to taste

4 4oz boneless, skinless chicken breasts, pounded to 1/4" thick

3 t olive oil, divided

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 c chicken stock

1 T fresh lemon juice

2 T olives, rinsed and coarsely chopped

1 T flat leaf parsley, chopped

Prepare Chickpea puree: Heat oil in large skillet over med-high heat. Add onion, garlic, and chickpeas, and cook, stirring frequently for 6-8 minutes (or until onions are light golden-brown and tender). Remove from heat, and pour into a food processor. Add Chicken stock and puree until smooth, adding more water or stock if needed. Season with salt and pepper. Cover, set aside and keep warm until ready to serve.

While chickpea mixture is cooking in skillet, prepare chicken. Reserve 1 T flour for later use. In a shallow dish or plate, combine remaining flour with salt and pepper. Dredge chicken in flour mixture to coat completely and shake off excess.

Heat 1 t oil on large nonstick skillet over med-high heat. Add chicken to pan and cook for 2-3 minutes per side, or until golden brown. Remove chicken from pan and transfer to plate.

Using same pan over medium high heat (do not wash) add remaining 2 t oil, garlic, and remaining 1 T of flour. Heat mixture, stirring constantly for about 1 minute, scraping up any brown bits from pan. Add stock, lemon juice, and capers. Bring to a boil over high heat, reduce heat to med-high and simmer for about 3 minutes until sauce thickens.

Add chicken back to pan and continue to simmer for an addition 2 minutes. Remove from heat, stir parsley into sauce, and season with salt and pepper.

To serve, scoop 1/4 c chickpea puree onto plate, top with chicken piccata, and spoon sauce over the top. Enjoy!

Ginger-Pomegranate Muffins

When I was at the grocery store the other day I stumbled upon the most beautiful pomegranate.. I just had to have it! I had never purchased or prepared one before, so this was an adventure. After googling how exactly one cuts pomegranates, I proceeded to harvest all of those gorgeous, delicious seeds..

The endless possibilities flooded my mind. I decided that I was in the mood for baked goods (as always). I decided to use a ginger muffin recipe I have and add pomegranates to it.. Here's what happened..

Ginger-Pomegranate Muffins

2 cups whole wheat flour

1/3 - 1/2 cups honey

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/3 cup minced ginger

Zest of 1 lemon

1-1/4 cup pomegranate seeds

1 cup milk

1 large egg

1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted and cooled

In a bowl, mix flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Mix honey, ginger, lemon zest, pomegranate seeds, and combine with milk and margarine.

Mix together with dry ingredients and stir until just incorporated. Spoon batter into 12 (2-1/2 inch wide) or 24 (1-3/4 inch wide) buttered muffin cups, filling each almost to the rim. Bake in a 425 degree oven until lightly browned, about 13 - 16 minutes. Remove muffins from pan at a once. Serve hot or set on a rack and serve warm or cool.

Moroccan Carrot Salad

Recently I have been hearing so many wonderful things about carrots. I've always thought carrots were.. fine, nothing amazing. Boy, was I wrong! Carrots are FULL of incredible vitamins and minerals, and I have truly come to love the unique taste! Imagine how elated I was when my step-grandma called me up and told me that she had a huge sack of carrots fresh from her garden to give me. YUM!

I also heard recently about the benefits of cooking your carrots whole, instead of chopped up.. Here's a quote from an article published in Medical News Today:

"Brandt and colleagues found that carrots boiled before cutting had 25 percent more of the anti cancer chemical falcarinol than those that were cut up before boiling. They also found uncut cooked carrots had higher concentrations of the naturally occurring sugars that give them their distinctive flavour." ... "Chopping up your carrots increases the surface area so more of the nutrients leach out into the water while they are being cooked." "By cooking them whole and chopping them up afterwards you are locking in both taste and nutrients so the carrot is better for you all round," she added. Read More Here

Here is one of my favorite recipes to share with you.. My SIL made this recipe for us when we visited her a few months ago. I changed just a few things to make it clean. Enjoy!

Moroccan Carrot Salad

1 lb carrots, steamed whole

While carrots are steaming, mix in a large bowl:

1/4 tsp salt

2 T Lemon/Lime juice

1 Tbsp Honey

2 tsp olive oil

1 clove garlic, minced

1 tsp paprika

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp dried parsley flakes

1/4 tsp cinnamon

When carrots have finished cooking, slice them,

or cut them into strips, however you prefer to eat them.

Toss with sauce and let it sit for several

hours to overnight to increase the flavor.

Enjoy!

William, Oh William...

Today William and I were in Target and had this interaction.. He walked up to a rack of Spanx and said "That's a shirt?"

Me: "Uhm, no, they're like underwear."

Will: "That's so cute!"

Me: "Hmm.. I guess.."

Will: "Mommy wants those?"

Me: "No, not really. Other mommies might though."

Then we walked on and he saw bras.. *sigh* He ran up to one, grabbed it, and said: "Mommy! What's that? That's so cute!"

Me: "That's a bra"

Will: "Mommy want a bra?"

Me: "No, not today."

Will: "Where's mommy's bra?" (You wouldn't believe all the looks I'm getting at this point)

Me: "They're at home."

Will starts pulling on my shirt and says "Mommy's bra's in there?"

Me: "Yeahh" (as I try to keep my shirt in place)

Will: "Mommy's milk's in there too?"

Me: "Yeah, Mommy's milk's in there too.. Look, a car!" Phew. That was the end of that conversation!

Uhmm.. Gross!

There is a little boy in my class who is one of the cutest little guys I have ever seen.. He is short and chubby and so utterly charismatic. I just think of him like a teddy bear; I just want to squeeze him! However; Teddy bear is somewhat naughty. I LOVE naughty kids! I probably shouldn't, but I do!

So; yesterday I was in helping students correct their pre-tests and a little girl comes over to me and says "uhm, Mrs. Roelfs? Teddy is bothering me," (I'm crafting my perfect "You are in charge of your actions, just ignore him" speech) "He keeps putting his pencil in his pants and wiping it on me." (Insert sound of screeching breaks here, my brain screaming "WHAT?! EW!")

"Alright, thank you for telling me. Please sit back down." Big smile as she skips back to her chair. *sigh* Okay, time for a talk...

I lean down and whisper in his ear: "Teddy, I need to have a little talk with you, can you please come over to my desk?"

He nods and shuffles over

"Teddy, I'm a little concerned because someone told me that you were disrupting them by putting your pencil in your pants and touching them with it. Is this true?" (I feel so dirty)

"Uhm.." Shuffle shuffle "Well, it wasn't in my pants.. it was like here (gesturing to thigh area)."

"Do you think that is appropriate?"

Shakes Head

"There is actually a word that I'm thinking of that describes what you were doing. Can you think of that word?"

"Uhm, Abuse?" (He looks utterly terrified)

"Actually, I was thinking of harassment. (He looks like he's about to cry. He's a really sweet kid under that little bit of gross-ness) I don't want to hear about you doing that again, okay? (Nods) Please go apologize to your neighbors."

AWESOME.

Tuna Tahini Wraps with Tomato, Basil and Mozzarella Salad - YUM

Hello again world! I am so excited about this recipe; even William gobbled it up! Here goes...

Tuna Tahini Wraps:

6 burrito size whole wheat tortillas

2 large cans of tuna packed in water

1/2 cup tahini

1/4 cup orange juice

3/4 cup water

3 cloves garlic

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 bunch of (6) scallions/green onions chopped

4 cups baby spinach

Pulse garlic and salt in food processor until minced. Mix together tahini, orange juice and cayenne pepper. Slowly add this mixture to your food processor until it is well blended. Add water until the mixture is the consistency of heavy cream. Mix with tuna and scallions in large bowl until blended. Fill wraps with tuna mixture and spinach.

Tomato, Basil and Mozzarella Salad

1 tablespoon Extra Virgin Olive Oil

1 large tomato, seeded and chopped

1/4 cup fresh chopped mozzarella cheese

1/4 cup fresh chopped basil leaves

4 cups baby spinach

Toss all ingredients together and serve with the tuna wraps.

Natural Laundry Detergent Recipe... :)

Well, in an effort to be cheap and use more natural things around the house I learned how to make my own laundry detergent. I LOVE it so much more than buying it from the store; not to mention the savings! Here is the recipe I'm using!

Ingredients

1/2 Cup Borax Natural Laundry Booster

1/2 Cup Baking Soda

1 Cup Grated Soap Flakes

Directions:

Stir to combine; use 2-3 Tablespoons for each load. :)

Coming Soon: Recipes for Very Berry Multi-grain Pancakes and Spicy Thai Chicken! Ooooh how exciting! :)

Happy Wednesday! :)

Dessert Mania!

Cherry Vanilla Frozen Yogurt

1 1/2 cups plain yogurt

1/4 cup agave nectar

2 t pure vanilla extract

2 c cherries, pitted and chopped (I pulsed them in the food processor)

Mix together and pour into your ice cream maker and let it do it's job! :)

I am new to this whole *insert pictures in blog* thing so my formatting is n00bish.. Oh well.. Anyway, above you will see the results from my first coconut experience.. I loved it! Here is what I did with it...

Coco Loco Banana Popsicles

1 1/2 c ripe bananas, smashed

1 1/2 cups 100% natural coconut water

2 tsp agave nectar

1 tsp pure vanilla extract

1 c shredded unsweetened coconut

In a food processer, puree bananas and coconut water until smooth. Add agave and vanilla and blend until combined. Use a spatula and scrape into a mixing bowl. Mix in coconut. Pour mixture into cups or popsicle molds and freeze until firm.. Deeelish!

Squash and Tomato Pasta Sauce

Hello there! I have recently adapted a new lifestyle; I call it my "Jesus food diet". Basically the way it works is I only eat naturally occuring foods. I thought it would be difficult, but really; it's kind of fun! My biggest hurdle is chocolate.. So I'm just kind of really limiting it right now. I have been trying so many new recipes and am going to be sharing some of my favorites! Today.. Squash and Tomato Pasta Sauce. I am actually proud of this one because it is one of my very first attempts at creating something all on my own! Well... Here it is; enjoy!

1 onion, chopped

1 1/2 c red wine

1/2 summer squash, diced

1 starship squash, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

8 oz tomato sauce

1 tomato, seeded and chopped

small palmful dried oregano leaves

pinch marjoram

2 T extra virgin olive oil

In a skillet heat olive oil. Add garlic and onion and simmer until translucent. Add remaining ingredients and simmer for about a half an hour. If you feel you need a little extra liquid mix in some tomato juice. Serve over pasta or rice.

Wow.. How much life has changed....

Today is William's second birthday. Wow. Where has the time gone? I know that phrase is so cliche, but it's so true! This time two years ago I was laying in a hospital bed holding my newborn son; completely clueless about how much my life was going to change.

Before I had a baby it was nothing to say, run to the grocery store. Today it takes 1. courage 2. at least 45 minutes 3. Diaper bag packed with everything imaginable because the one item you forget (say extra outfit) is the one item you need (example; blowout) 4. LIST (you will IMMEDIATELY forget the reason you came to said store) 5. Logistical plan for the entire store to figure out how to get in and out as quickly as possible 6. The greatest amount of willpower EVER to avoid the lovely chocolate bars in the checkout lane...

I love my children though and would change nothing! Today for William's birthday I dropped Owen off at mom's and took him to meet daddy for lunch. He even got birthday ice cream! After Will's nap Grandma and I took the birthday boy to the bike trail to try out his brand new plasmacar *AWESOME*. We then decided to head to Baskin Robbins for EVEN MORE ICE CREAM! (Read "Happiest Boy Ever"). We timed our arrival perfectly with Daddy's and we were able to open his presents as a family before bed. Yaay birthdays! I am very excited for Nate's half day tomorrow so we can let William pick out his gifts from his Grandad and Great Mamaw, as well as his birthday party at Lion's Park. :)

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something that has always been, as I am sure is for many people, very complicated for me. I like to think that I am a forgiving person; most of the time I can forgive and forget very quickly. However, there are people who I have had trouble forgiving. I have seen what happens to people who cannot/will not forgive others. The bitterness that resides in them, the hurt it causes, and eventually, the separation it can cause. The only way it ends is with regret.

My family has been ripped apart by bitterness and stubbornness. My Dad has a brother. Did you know that? I have three more cousins that I never hear about. The reasons is that there have been disagreements in the past, just as every other family; but because of stubbornness and bitterness they have extracated themselves from our family. What have my grandparents (now just my grandmother) and my father done about it? Said "good riddance!" How terrible! I miss my aunt and uncle and cousins dearly! My grandmother tells me how sad she is and how much she misses her son and grandchildren; she sends them cards only to have them sent back unopened. Her heart is broken. However, she hasn't driven over there. She hasn't really pursued it.

I have asked both my father and grandma if they would forgive the rest of our family, and they have said grudgingly that they would. However I think there would be a lot of groveling, and I don't see that happening. I have been attempting to figure out how I can help, but I don't know how. My oldest cousin and I were always close growing up and I miss him very much. We spent so much time together, all of my time at my dad's when I was young was spent with him. We got into trouble together, played together, and when we were older, ran around together. I haven't spoken to him in ages. I would really like to rekindle that bond. I want my family to know the rest of my family.

Anyway, the reason I was writing this was to talk about forgiveness. I actually had another illustration in mind, but I suppose the previous one works just fine. As I was saying before, I haven't really had trouble forgiving for the most part; however when I have been really hurt, especially repeatedly, I have had a very difficult time forgiving. I just recently was able to truly forgive someone who had hurt me repeatedly for as long as I can remember. I am truly at peace with that person. However, I want to stress that it wasn't me of my own power who was able to forgive. God gave me the strength and the love. I have never truly understood the depths of God's love and forgiveness. My children have helped me to understand.

The bible talks about God as our father and his perfect love and forgiveness for us. The problem with this in my mind was that I couldn't figure out how he could let rapists, murderers, or child molesters into heaven. I think I have figured it out. I love my children unconditionally. I know that if William did something heinous, God forbid, I would be devastated. It would horrify me that this perfect little creation of mine could do something so terrible. While I would ache for him and whoever he hurt, I would want nothing more than for him to repent and go to heaven.

Would you want to spend eternity without your child? It was in that moment that I truly understood God's love. You would always forgive your children and ache for them to be right with the Lord, and you would never stop loving them. This is how God loves us. He will always be waiting with open arms, never have stopped loving you.

Unbelievable Love

I have been thinking about my boys a lot recently; how could I not seeing as how I am with them all day every day! Anyway, I remember being pregnant with Owen and being worried and in awe at the same time thinking "how could I possibly love this baby as much as I love William?" I already had a fierce love burning for this baby in my chest, my need to protect him was unbelievable. However, I still could not understand how I could have that much love in my heart?

Well, the past few weeks have been extremely difficult; the hardest thing I have ever done in fact! I was contemplating how insane we were to have two babies so close together, but at the same time I wasn't able to think of doing it a different way. I thought to myself, "if you had to choose which son to not have right now which one would it be?" I couldn't even wrap my head around that question. Of course I know that if I didn't have one I would have so much more time to devote to the other, but it is impossible for me to choose which one. Of course, I don't have to, and I'm sure I never will (God willing).

I was also thinking about Jacob and Esau in the bible. I can't imagine what their mother would have gone through knowing how they battled. When I thought about how she encouraged Jacob to swindle his brother out of Isaac's blessing at his deathbed I was truly perplexed. My thought was "how could she shortchange her eldest out of this right?" I first wondered if she was playing favorites between the brothers but I don't think that is the case. I think she knew that for one reason or another Jacob needed to have that blessing instead of Esau. A mother knows her children; knows what they are capable of and tries her best to help them achieve it. I think this is an example of a mother trying to do what is right by her children, even if it doesn't appear so at first glance.

Doctor Drama

Well, I Just got back from one of Owen's many doctor appointments. I hate those things. Here's the reasons why; all they do is upset me. I know my baby is fine, but apparently they don't. They have to do all of these procedures like ultrasounds and labs drawn and rectal temperatures and get him naked for EVERYTHING and it's just way too hard on a 6lb baby. Then, they show me charts and tell me how small he is and how he MIGHT have this problem or that problem, or that is at risk for yada yada yada. And then, at the end of the appointment they tell me everything is fine. I already knew that! So... can we just skip to that line and quit upsetting my baby please? Also; if anyone gives me grief about the fact that I am not breastfeeding anymore I think I will smack them. Wanna know why?

1. I had to pump every 4 hours for 7 weeks; you try that and see how much fun it is.

2. I was losing my milk supply; somehow a pump can't establish a good milk supply... imagine that.

3. I have talked this over with NICU doctors, nurses, and my pediatrition and we all decided this was the best decision.

4. Owen is FINE! We have enough milk to give him all of the benefits of breastfeeding with my stored milk.

5. If I had brought him home, he was not likely to establish a good breastfeeding pattern until he was at least 44weeks old, which would mean that I would have to rent a scale, weigh him before nursing, right after nursing, feed him the rest of his food by mouth, THEN pump AGAIN, all while trying to take care of my other son. Remember him?

6. NOT BREASTFEEDING DOES NOT MAKE ME A BAD MOTHER! So please, do not insinuate that I am one.

Anywhoo.. enough about that. On a lighter note; William is counting to ten now! He's such a brain! I'm not bragging I swear. Okay, maybe I am a little.... I am also very excited to be up and mobile and have *some* energy! (somehow, being up all night takes a lot of it away). I am able to cook EVERY NIGHT! I love it so much! Last night I had my mom, step-dad, and brother over and made them all dinner. We had Chicken satay skewers, stir fry with ginger spice sauce, and a delicious sorbet. :) Tonight I'm making some CRAAAAZY nachos! Yaaay food! All of this and I am still managing to obey weight watchers and lose weight! Go me! I suppose that's all for now; I need to feed Owen :)

Teacher Brain

For me there is nothing more fulfilling than doing something that I know I'm good at. I know I'm a good mommy and I know that I'm a good teacher (of course, there's always room for improvement)! Sometimes it seems to me that both of these things must be independent of each other; in order for me to be a good mommy I have to be home all day long, and in order to be a good teacher I need much more time than I think I have to devote to it.

Fortunately for me I have had a situation drop into my lap which will allow me to combine both aspects of my life; for reasons all their own, my mom has taken my 14 year old out of school to be home schooled. Now while I also have reservations about some home school programs and the necessity for students to interact with one another on a regular basis for numerous reasons, this is the best decision for her.

Until I start student teaching in August again I will be teaching Jess English and Algebra. Until Owen comes home I am sticking with English only because it is the area I am most familiar in. I have to say, I'm having a blast! It is difficult to get started because I am a very structured person and my mom and sister are not. They are perfectly fine with just doing things when they have a few minutes to squeeze it in, but I need to have a specified schedule. This has created a few problems, but it seems to be ironing out now.

We just finished reading Romeo and Juliet and I gave her a few assignments to figure out what we need to be working on. Before we started the play she was determined not to like it. I mean, why would you like something that old??? Once we got started she really got into it; at the end of the play she said "I had no idea I would like it that much!" Yaay! I also showed her the modern version of the play; the movie with Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio - she loved it! It was really neat to be able to show her what you can do with a piece of writing. Perception is everything!

We began reading 1984 on Monday and so far it is going fantastic! There are a lot of vocabulary words and I am giving her a heavy reading load but she seems to be doing well with it so far. I am really enjoying figuring out how to question her so that I am not giving her answers and helping her to get "the big idea". I was really surprised how difficult this can be when you have one student who isn't "getting it". From my experience in the classroom usually there is at least one student who is making the connections that the rest of the class needs to be able to progress in their thought processes.

I suppose that's it for today! :)

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

Apparently this book, one of my all time favorites, is being made into a movie this year! Hoooraay! In other news; Owen had a spell yesterday so we are looking at Friday for a come home date.

Whenever I read one of my previous sad posts it really makes me appreciate everything Jesus does for me. I would never be able to "pull myself up by my bootstraps" if it weren't for Him. He is so amazing in the strength that he gives me and the endurance that he has set before me. I am so thankful for Him! I cannot imagine why we have gone through this as a family, but not knowing is just fine with me.

I know that God has a plan for me, I have seen it many times in the past. There have been so many times in my life when I have wondered why I am going through certain things only to be shown years later that it has taken me to where I am today. For example, I had to have my heart broken to move to Ames; if I hadn't moved to Ames I would never have met Nate. How can I question a God who gives me such amazing gifts?

There has been so much going on in our house recently it's crazy! William is going through a stage where he does not want to go to sleep; he just can't stand to miss anything! He is cognitively growing by leaps and bounds! He is counting to 10, saying most of his ABC's, and is using 2-3 word sentences constantly. Today we had this conversation: William: "Where Sammy?" Me: "Sammy is in the bedroom." William: "Sammy nigh nigh?" Me: "Yep, Sammy's night night."

From an educational standpoint this just astounds me! To know that for him to have this conversation with me many things have happened. He is able to understand object permanence, knowing that Sammy has gone somewhere, but that she exists in another place even though he can't see her. He also knows that when you are in a bedroom chances are you're sleeping. Not to mention that he has developed proper syntax for answering questions! Way to go Will! It is so amazing for me to watch his development when I am able to appreciate what it takes for him to say such things! Ahhh.

Alright, I think I am going to head into the kitchen for a snack of strawberries and whipped cream! :)