William, Oh William...

Today William and I were in Target and had this interaction.. He walked up to a rack of Spanx and said "That's a shirt?"

Me: "Uhm, no, they're like underwear."

Will: "That's so cute!"

Me: "Hmm.. I guess.."

Will: "Mommy wants those?"

Me: "No, not really. Other mommies might though."

Then we walked on and he saw bras.. *sigh* He ran up to one, grabbed it, and said: "Mommy! What's that? That's so cute!"

Me: "That's a bra"

Will: "Mommy want a bra?"

Me: "No, not today."

Will: "Where's mommy's bra?" (You wouldn't believe all the looks I'm getting at this point)

Me: "They're at home."

Will starts pulling on my shirt and says "Mommy's bra's in there?"

Me: "Yeahh" (as I try to keep my shirt in place)

Will: "Mommy's milk's in there too?"

Me: "Yeah, Mommy's milk's in there too.. Look, a car!" Phew. That was the end of that conversation!

Uhmm.. Gross!

There is a little boy in my class who is one of the cutest little guys I have ever seen.. He is short and chubby and so utterly charismatic. I just think of him like a teddy bear; I just want to squeeze him! However; Teddy bear is somewhat naughty. I LOVE naughty kids! I probably shouldn't, but I do!

So; yesterday I was in helping students correct their pre-tests and a little girl comes over to me and says "uhm, Mrs. Roelfs? Teddy is bothering me," (I'm crafting my perfect "You are in charge of your actions, just ignore him" speech) "He keeps putting his pencil in his pants and wiping it on me." (Insert sound of screeching breaks here, my brain screaming "WHAT?! EW!")

"Alright, thank you for telling me. Please sit back down." Big smile as she skips back to her chair. *sigh* Okay, time for a talk...

I lean down and whisper in his ear: "Teddy, I need to have a little talk with you, can you please come over to my desk?"

He nods and shuffles over

"Teddy, I'm a little concerned because someone told me that you were disrupting them by putting your pencil in your pants and touching them with it. Is this true?" (I feel so dirty)

"Uhm.." Shuffle shuffle "Well, it wasn't in my pants.. it was like here (gesturing to thigh area)."

"Do you think that is appropriate?"

Shakes Head

"There is actually a word that I'm thinking of that describes what you were doing. Can you think of that word?"

"Uhm, Abuse?" (He looks utterly terrified)

"Actually, I was thinking of harassment. (He looks like he's about to cry. He's a really sweet kid under that little bit of gross-ness) I don't want to hear about you doing that again, okay? (Nods) Please go apologize to your neighbors."

AWESOME.