Unbelievable Love

I have been thinking about my boys a lot recently; how could I not seeing as how I am with them all day every day! Anyway, I remember being pregnant with Owen and being worried and in awe at the same time thinking "how could I possibly love this baby as much as I love William?" I already had a fierce love burning for this baby in my chest, my need to protect him was unbelievable. However, I still could not understand how I could have that much love in my heart?

Well, the past few weeks have been extremely difficult; the hardest thing I have ever done in fact! I was contemplating how insane we were to have two babies so close together, but at the same time I wasn't able to think of doing it a different way. I thought to myself, "if you had to choose which son to not have right now which one would it be?" I couldn't even wrap my head around that question. Of course I know that if I didn't have one I would have so much more time to devote to the other, but it is impossible for me to choose which one. Of course, I don't have to, and I'm sure I never will (God willing).

I was also thinking about Jacob and Esau in the bible. I can't imagine what their mother would have gone through knowing how they battled. When I thought about how she encouraged Jacob to swindle his brother out of Isaac's blessing at his deathbed I was truly perplexed. My thought was "how could she shortchange her eldest out of this right?" I first wondered if she was playing favorites between the brothers but I don't think that is the case. I think she knew that for one reason or another Jacob needed to have that blessing instead of Esau. A mother knows her children; knows what they are capable of and tries her best to help them achieve it. I think this is an example of a mother trying to do what is right by her children, even if it doesn't appear so at first glance.